I am realizing how easy it is to start worrying that I will get depressed again if I have bad days and if I go through a few days where I am just tired and sad. I assume that means I have gotten nowhere and I am back to square 1. I don't even know why it is a square. Why not a circle?
Anyways back to the point. We all have rough times. There are days when all I want to is stay in bed and pretend I don't have responsibilities. Who doesn't? But the truth is I have to keep telling myself it is a process and it won't change overnight. As much as I would like to be a different person with the snap of my fingers or a magic wand it doesn't work like that despite what Disney tells us.
Ok I love my life. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am with friends and adopted family. I have so many people who support me and want me to be better. I have a job to pay bills. I just got full time at work and to add on top of that I have a chance to use my degree and hopefully get out of my current job and go full time with this good job opportunity. I am intelligent, beautiful, honest, caring, loving, understanding, good listener, driven, hard working, easy going, fun, funny. I am learning to recognize my feelings and how to stay positive. I am realizing I must go through the bad to get to the good. So why do I let one day or going through a hard time bring me down and freak me out about getting into a depression again??
I am so used to when I fail or a hard time just throwing in the towel and saying well I give up. Now that I am still fighting for my happiness there are still old habits. Yeah you know that saying old habits are hard to break? Isn't it so true? Here I am, the most blessed girl in the world and all I can do is freak out if I have a bad day. Wow how silly. But that is what I do. I let fear shake me.
If any of you feel this way, first of all welcome to my world. Second, it doesn't have to be like that. We can choose to rise above it. You notice the world is getting darker? Yeah it is so easy to follow them. But we have a reason more than any other reason to feel light, in both meanings of the word. Jesus. Yeah he died for us but it is so much more than that. God has a plan for me. I go through everything for a reason. I don't have people in my life anymore for a reason. I learned what I needed to learn and now it shaped me and made me who I am now. The reason I am so awesome? Not to be cocky but confident. Come on you know I am. All these obstacles and failures have made me successful. Crazy I know but it is true.
I know that when I freak out about little things God is up there laughing and thinking you really don't get it do you? We are human. Period. We mess up. We fail. And it is a good thing. And the world didn't end. We are stronger for it and better human beings because of it. I don't have it all figured out but I know that God has my back. I just need to stop stressing and trust Him.
