Obstacles

Every day I face the challenge of believing I am worth something. Every day I get lied to. Every day I struggle to fight inner demons. Obstacles. We all have them. We can either let them define us or we can overcome them. We can be defeated or we can punch them in the face and say I will win. Life is hard. Whoever said it would be easy is a fool. Every day we must choose. We can live or just exist. We can blame others or our circumstances for who we are or for why we think our life sucks. For me I have dealt with so many inner demons I wonder where I should start. For most of my life I hated my life. I hated the world, my family, me, and my friends. I thought it wasn't fair the hand I was dealt. For so long I was torn down because of my weight. I had issues beyond repair it seemed with my family. I ran away from everything that caused me pain. My dad died and I was left without my best friend. I let myself be the victim. I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me because of the sucky life I had been given. For a long time I only saw the negative and I got stuck in this rut. My obstacles defined me. I could have fought but I just got to a point where I didn't care to fight anymore. It didn't seem worth it anymore. Then something changed. It was one of those things where something inside me happened. I was tired of constantly being defeated. I didn't want to be weak anymore. I didn't want to be unhappy anymore. Something had to change. So I prayed for guidance and accepted the fact that I was going to have to deal with 21 years of baggage. It was gonna hurt and suck really bad but I know I needed to do it. I was tired of just existing instead of living. So I decided to listen to God and change my life. Since then I haven't been the same. I am not saying that I have it all figured out cuz I don't. What am saying is that I am dealing with my problems instead of running away. That feels so good. So this causes me to say that even in your darkest hour, hope is never far behind. If this did not exist then what would the point of living be? I chose to defeat my obstacles. I come out fighting every time. Obstacles. They can define you or they can just be something to prove you are doing something right.

New Year's Resolution

I haven't written on here in awhile. I am on my way to a better me. My new year's resolution was to live, laugh, and love as well as work on my problems. I have 21 years of problems just lurking and waiting for me to deal with them. I decided I was fed up with who I was trying to be and that I wasn't dealing with what I needed to. I kept wanting to be someone else. Instead I needed to accept who I was for me and work on being the better me instead of someone else's better them. It is going to take awhile to deal with. I mean 21 years of problems won't be fixed in a year. It may even take 3 or 4 years or more. But I am willing to work on it as long as I have to. I want to love myself. I want to be me. I lost that somewhere along the way and now I am starting to gain it back. I know I don't really have my life figured out yet but God knows. I try to trust Him and understand as best I can why things happen. I don't understand why my father had to be taken or my sister and I not even talking or having the cards I had dealt to do great things for Him but I know He has a good reason. I am ready and willing to learn and be guided in the right direction. I know that it took me to hit rock bottom to figure all this out and figure out what I needed and wanted to do. I hate that had to happen in order to know what to do but I am glad I figured it out. I grew from hitting rock bottom. Sometimes you need to in order to get back up, brush yourself off, and persevere through the pain. Plus it doesn't hurt to have the Big Guy Upstairs to help you out. I just always go back to the verse Matthew 11:28 which is "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Thank goodness we don't have to do this on our own. I don't think I would make it. There is also this verse in Proverbs that talks about to not lean on our own understanding but to give it to God and He will make your paths straight. This is something I hold on to dearly. I don't always understand but if I just trust and have faith that God will help or help me through then I can survive. HALLELUJAH!! It isn't easy to deal with all of this but in the end I will be a better person for it and I will truly be on my way to do these great things God has planned for me! So watch out world, here comes Liz ready to change the world!! :D