Smile. Life is Fun

I am writing this blog with a smile on my face. I guess because not that I have it all figured out but the fact that I am just like ok God I know you want to use me for greatness so I am going to stop being so scared all the time. I am going to be courageous and stomp on fear's face. I made this new year's resolution. I never do cuz let's face it, it was always unrealistic. But when I made this new year's resolution I asked myself what I wanted more than anything in the entire universe and I thought to not be scared. So I went with No Fear 2011. At the beginning and up until a month ago, it was rough. I lost it and was in the darkest place I had ever been.

I have a hero and her name is Jillian Michaels. She is a famous fitness trainer and I trust her. Almost more than anyone I know. I think because she never candy coats anything. She tells me how it is. I started reading her book Unlimited out of desperation to just find something to snap me out of it. It was the cure for me. She didn't candy coat it and she made me realize that so what if we fail. The world isn't going to end. I love the people in my life but they never really try to snap me out of it. Compassion is great but I needed a slap in the face saying WAKE UP YOU FOOL!!! That was this book. It helped me to face things I had never knew were issues and helped me get to the root of all my problems. It was basically my therapy.

So here I am so happy. That doesn't mean things don't get hard. It also doesn't mean I don't have bad days because believe me I do. It just means I don't let it bring me down. I realize it has to happen for God's great plan or for me to become who I need to be. Also the greatest people of all time have adversity. I know my purpose. And I know how to deal and what to deal with that has been bringing me down. I finally feel like I am getting the hang of this real life thing.

Yes my job sucks and yes I have been hurt by people in my past. But the past is the past. I don't have those people in my life because I am striving for greatness and they were just in the way of that. I don't regret having them in my life because they helped shape me but it is time for me to move on. I am also cutting out people who only want me around when it is convenient for them. That isn't a friendship. And I deserve better.

I learning more and more to love myself. For anyone who knows me this is has been the most difficult thing for me, but it is happening. I am worth it. I am awesome. It isn't cockiness it is confidence. And look at me. I am beautiful and funny and fun and loving and compassionate and awesome. Just radiance flows from my face. I know that anyone who is around me a lot can really see a difference.

So I smile. Life is fun. Seriously it is. lol ;)