Signs

Life isn't fair. Period. We are always thinking I should have got that job or that promotion or that guy or that girl or that time away. We see all these good people have bad shit happen to them. Sorry for those who like it PG. Those kids are hungry. These people keep having friends and family die. Etc. And then we come across bad people who always get what they want. Doesn't that just piss you off?

And I hate it when you don't get something and the immediate reaction from a friend is well life isn't fair so suck it up. Well first off I want to punch them in the face and I would feel tons better. Lol but seriously yes I know life isn't fair. I get it. I live proof that life isn't fair. I am not wanting you to feel sorry for me I am just pointing out a fact. I am living proof that life isn't fair. I have had 23 years of disappointment, failures, slaps in the face, and betrayal. You can't just tell me to suck it up. That is not effective. I am not going to just suck it up. What a good friend should say is well then why are you sitting around moping? Do something about it.

Hmmmmm I never thought of it like that. Here I was feeling sorry for myself when I think if you don't like it do something about it. I don't mean change what happened. Because honestly what's done is done and you can't undo it. I'm talking about standing up for yourself. Proving those haters wrong. That's right prove to everyone that yeah life isn't fair and it is really tough but you are going to get back up, brush yourself off, and hold your head high. So what you failed! So what you didn't get what you wanted! Are you alive? Enjoy what you have and push forward to doing better things.

I have this thing about signs. Kind of like street signs but signs that life sends to show you maybe that wasn't what you actually wanted or needed. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't get that job. Maybe God wants something better for me or maybe He wants me to be somewhere else. I truly believe that things happen for a reason. Just like you are reading this blog and something is going to jump out at you and you are going to use that.

Life is really messy. Most of the time it is utter and complete chaos. Nothing goes as planned. You get excited and here comes that chaos ready to ruin your plans. But do you notice that when nothing goes as planned is when things seem to come together? You start to realize maybe what you wanted and what you needed where 2 different things. And maybe your plan should have been to let chaos do its thing.

Lately my head has not been in any kind of organization. It has been here and there and everywhere. My head always goes fast but lately it is constantly going 300 mph. It ranges anywhere from being stressed to wow I really miss this person and I want to see them. It is in utter chaos but yet I feel like it is for a purpose. I am going to get something out of it.

No matter what happens I know for sure that I am strong, intelligent, courageous, and beautiful. Life is going to throw curve balls but that is when things turn out for the best when I am not in control. I hate being out of control. I will find anything and everything to try to get some control over something. But God says to trust Him and let Him be in control. I don't have the answer to why life has to be unfair. But I do know that God is beautiful. He can turn something we see as so horrible, a sinner, and turn it into something beautiful. The same goes for chaos and life. As I am typing this God is shaping me so that I may go into the world and show His love. It is hard to be mad or upset when I know He wants what is best for me. He wants to use me for good and in order for that to happen there must be bad. So take those signs. It just may be God trying to tell you something.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."--Isaiah 40:31