Here I am feeling lost and confused as to how I got myself in this situation. But not only that I realized in that moment that I had not talked to God. And then I realized that I am not close to Him anymore. I started to grow sad and felt this big burden of shame on my shoulders not just because I wasn't close to God but because I had not even thought about talking to Him about this burden and stress. All these problems kept piling up and the simple answer was right in front of me all along.
I opened this book I was reading called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. I hadn't read it in a long time. In desperation, I opened it to find some ray of hope, something that would catch my eye and have me longing for God once again. I came across this verse. "For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." Matthew 13:15
That verse punched me in the face hardcore. My heart is calloused. I do not hear Him nor do I try to see Him. I am so caught up in the negative to listen really listen. Do you ever just talk to God and that is all you do is talk and never just sit there and listen. Maybe just bask in His grace and mercy? I know I hardly ever do. It's like God do this and God do that. I expect Him to do all these things but yet I don't listen to what He wants me to do.
This verse put into perspective what I have become. How shameful and horrible it may be it is truth. I always want God to show me the truth no matter how bad, painful, or shameful it may be. So my task this week is to listen and see what God wants for me. I will update next week what came of it and maybe talk about something else.
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