Thunder

"No one is control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."--Barbara de Angelis

Happiness. It is what a lot of people including myself try to find in this life. The mistakes people make, including myself, is that we look for it in all the wrong places. Things that seem like a good idea or seem to make us happy really don't. Think about it. Money. No matter how much of it people have, are they ever truly happy? Celebrities get caught up in scandal and drugs and everything they thought could make them happy doesn't. Their lives are empty and they keep trying to find something new to make them happy but they always end up disappointed and confused.

Everyone is so obsessed with technology. We get the next best thing but when we get it here comes something new a month later and we find ourselves wanting that. Eventually the newness wears off and we find ourselves looking for something else to make us happy.

 When I went to Baja, Mexico on a mission trip last year to an orphanage, we had no technology. No way of contacting the outside world. Just God and nature and people. You know the basics. I had never felt so connected to God in my entire life. I had no distractions and I had no reason not to be with Him. I still long for that closeness I felt towards him. That passion I had every day spending time with Him.

One of my tasks for this week was to listen more and talk less to God. I did and boy did I get some surprises as well as some humble blows to the head. Some things He pointed out to me where that I am just a stress ball waiting to explode. I am distracted because I am so stressed because of money and because I have no money I am scrounging around trying to find some for food and gas, etc. Because of that my relationships are suffering. Because my relationships are suffering I am pissed off half the time. Because I am pissed off half the time I am always in a bad mood and I am constantly distracted. Oh yes it all leads back to distracted. Time and time again He is telling me to relax not only cuz He will handle it but because if I keep stressing as much as I am I will die because of it. I don't know about you but when I pictured myself dying it wasn't by stress. That seems so wimpy. I mean I want to go out with a bang. Literally or figuratively I don't care. Anyways I am getting off track. Thank you ADD!

Another thing God is telling me to do is slow down. I am going 100 mph down the wrong way on a one way street. I am tired, exhausted, sore, etc. Every day I need to meditate in Him and just sit in the quiet of His awesomeness. Yes awesomeness. Stop worrying about this and that and piling activities to the ceiling that are impossible to achieve. We are not superheroes. I know I wish we were not just cuz we can call ourselves that but because we would have cool superpowers and AWESOME costumes. My superpower would be super speed. Awesome I know. There goes my ADD again. We need to slow down and spend some time with God. So starting tomorrow I am going to meditate in His awesomeness.

I realized that I need to believe in myself more. This whole week God has been showing me through people and situations that I am an awesome person. Ok just to clarify I am not being conceited. Oh wait does that mean I am if I say I am not? Well you know me so whatever. lol God has been using me my whole life in many ways. It is just now in my life that I am realizing how much He uses me and how much He has used me in the past. You don't realize the impact you have on people. Here I was thinking I was this weird loser, which I may be. But I am a popular weird loser. No but seriously I am amazing, beautiful, funny, fun, godly, mature, selfless, hard working, good friend, great listener, good advice giver, etc. God keeps reminding me that I need to stop being so hard on myself. I mess up. I screw up. I am broken most of the time. But yet I am so beautiful in that. That is when I gain the most strength. That is when I am the most vulnerable to people. That is when I am most courageous.That is when I am desperately seeking God the most. It is a good thing to be broken. Wait what?!?! Say that again. It is a GOOD thing to be broken. We don't have to have it all together all the time. We were meant to cry, to fall down, to rely on other people, and to get down on our hands and knees and beg God to help us.

The last thing I am going to talk about is Satan. Too many times I let negative thoughts in my head and believe them. One bad thought comes in my head and I believe it. Forget the 100 other positive things rolling around in there. Nope I choose to focus on that one negative thought. That one that lets me know I am worthless, I am stupid, I am an idiot, I am ugly, etc. NO! I have to stop it. I just say no and I choose to believe what God says about me. This is a new thing I am trying. Am I perfect at it? No. But I am trying to change my thought process. Especially for us women, our society expects us to be perfect. There is this constant need to be perfect. Stop it! Stop it right now! We are not perfect, including men, nor should we have to be. You know that man Jesus who died on that cross for our sin? That is the reason why we can mess up, we can be broken, and we can totally screw our lives up. Because guess what? Jesus still loves us. Period.

So I know this was a lot to say in one blog but God brought a lot up to me this week. Like thunder I am going to make a big boom in this world. I will make a difference. Scratch that I AM making a difference. Stop stressing. Just let God handle it. When did He ever let you down?